Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Just cropdusted the office
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
i now understand why vodka
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
