It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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