Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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