:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
