HIV tests are more positive than that guy
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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