I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
