why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
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