allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
