I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
