I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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