so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
