He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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