The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Panties = found
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
