I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
