My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Come share oat with me in your robe
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
