We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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