i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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