if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
