That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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