Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
