Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
