I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
