it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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