HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
