your room smells of hookers.
And success
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Boobs are out for the taking
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
