There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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