Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
