i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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