never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
