Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
