Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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