I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
