Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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