It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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