Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
