I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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