y did u give ur computer a hand job?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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