That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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