so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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