1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
