Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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