my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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