I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize