nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
