I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Randomize
