Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
My pussy is not your playground.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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