Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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