tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
