Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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