Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
