Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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