We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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