the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
