Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
