is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
