I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
