My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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