Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
