dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
