a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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