i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
