My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
