i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
