I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
