That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
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She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
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Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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