i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
