so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
