Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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