you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
