Will you blow on my dice?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
