I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he shaved USA in his pubs
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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