I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
